Michael Schiavinato

Shaving Cream Burglar

8/09 V1

Burglar enters bank with shaving cream all over his face as a form of a mask.

Teller 1:

Thank you sir, come back soon.

Burglar:

Alright this is robbery nobody moves!

Teller1:

Oh lord please don’t hurt me, I’ll give you anything you… wait is that shaving cream all over your face.

Burglar:

Shut up and give me the money before somebody gets hurt.

Teller1:

Hold up… That IS shaving cream on his face!

Teller2:

That’s what I thought.

Burglar:

Look your time is running out! Start handing over the cash!

Teller1:

Why is he not wearing a ski mask like everyone else?

Teller2:

I don’t know that’s so strange.

Teller3:

Maybe he couldn’t afford a ski mask?

Teller1:

Then how could he afford the shaving cream?

Burglar:

That’s it I’m going to start blasting!

Teller1:

Why couldn’t he use a nylon stalking and cut 2 holes out for the eyes?

Teller2:

Yeah… You can find nylon stalking anywhere, in your cupboards, at the shoe store, in the garbage…

Teller3:

He’s probably allergic to nylon.

Teller1:

Oh right… how sad.

Burglar:

You better start handing over the money!

Teller1:

Why not a clown mask or those Former President masks.

Teller2:

Oh! Like the ones they used in Point Break!

Teller3:

Those where cool masks.

Burglar:

Put the money in the bag now!

Teller1:

Look the shaving cream is melting down his face!

Teller2:

Yes and he’s unshaved!

Teller1:

That’s so weird.

Teller3:

It seems like he’s defeating the point of the shaving cream?

Burglar:

I will use this gun!

Teller1:

Look! His sideburns are uneven.

Teller2:

Wow that’s just wrong.

Teller3:

I always double check my sideburns.

Burglar:

Hey I’m right here! I can hear everything you say!

Teller1: Are you OK? Do you need help?

Teller2:

Maybe he’s retarded?

Teller3:

Then ask louder.

Teller1:

ARE YOU OK DO YOU NEED HELP?

Burglar:

Look I’m fine! I just want some money. Please can I have some money?

Teller1:

Well I guess… I don’t see why not. I give money to the less fortunate all the time.

Teller2:

Yes, here… here is 2 dollars (tellers reach into their pockets)

Teller3:

Here you go poor thing… here is a few more bucks.

Teller1:

Yes here’s some change.

Teller2:

How sad… Who forgets to shave after putting on shaving cream? Maybe he can afford a razor now?

Teller3:

I’m just happy we could help.

Burglar leaves with his head down.